Thursday, 24 March 2011

Feeling rather optimistic for 4.41am!

Instead of being pissed off that I've not slept tonight - I'm excited to see how I'll get through the full day I have planned. I refuse to go to bed until tonight - even though I'm looking after my little niece Grace and my sister Jaime Leigh and her love Stuart (fae Paisley!) is coming over. It'll be a story, at least! (one I suspect will have frequent trips to Caffeine Central!)

I'm reading pretty much nothing but awesome blogs like this one and listening to fantastic "I'm totally excellent in every way" songs. I've watched movies that make me laugh and even though I'm loaded with the cold, my wisdom tooth is acting up and my poor Gof is in bed all alone, I'm still feeling rather ok with life! Maybe it's hearing my downstairs neighbour having another drunken rant - instead of being annoyed by the very (loud) sound of her voice, I'm giggling at the absurdity of it all and feeling a tinge of pity for the woman. No one chooses to be an alcoholic, after all. I know full well my good nature towards her will last as long as her next midnight music session (this month's album of choice is Adele's new album - pity, I used to like her) 

I've realised that there are certain things I need to do in order to be truly successful in my life, and my life's goals. Firstly, accept I'm actually fucking perfect just the way I am, but if I want to change anything about myself it's because I'm evolving, not becoming someone different. I need to feel proud of myself, and know I took risks and make choices based on what I know to be true at the time, and not freak if later on something happens I didn't anticipate. You can't prepare for every eventuality. Once upon a time I would have, for all my heart, took back a choice I made, because I thought it was worst mistake I'd ever make. It started an avalanche of events and emotions and everythingeverythingeverythingeverything that I felt I'd never cope with or come back from. But see, it got me where I am today. I can't help but love my life these days, because with everything that is finally going right, the stuff I'm not too happy on? The solution is just a choice I am willing and able to make away. The road isn't always clear, but damn, I know EXACTLY which direction I'm going in.

I'll give you a hint - it involves me staying awake for the next 20 odd hours. FUN!

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