Wednesday, 29 June 2011

On blogger's drama

I love reading blogs from around the world. From all different walks of life, from an international playgirl to a stay-at-home mother with a love of comfort and vintage, I find myself linked to these amazing women who are courageous enough to put their lives online. Sometimes, there is scrutiny and even "hate" for people who are accused of not entirely truthful. It makes me wonder of how truthful anyone is when they blog about about their lives, and how much it matters.

I've got conflicting opinions about this. Firstly, if someone puts it all out there, I believe that if (and when) questions are raised about their life, they should answer these questions. Not because we as readers have the right to know, but if your whole life is an open book with a few missing chapters, people can and will question that. Not answering will at best will make you look like a liar and at worst a scam artist. Especially if there's money involved. I know there are people who blog about their life and stop at a certain point, and clearly explain that there is a part of their life that will remain private. That's perfectly acceptable to me. Some people will just not accept that. It makes me wonder of how important these bloggers are to the people who set out to "expose their lies". Why bother? Ok, if there's cash involved I understand the need to seek compensation, and maybe the need to warn others about your past experiences, but not to devote huge amounts of time, effort and even money to ruin said bloggers life and/or livelihood. I simply do not get it. Unless it's something highly illegal or immoral, I just don't get it.

There's one car crash I keep an eye on. Most people here in the UK don't really know who Tila Tequila is, or at most know she was the "star" of MTV's A Shot at Love a few years back. I was informed 2 years ago about her, and her various wrongdoings involve faking several pregnancies, then miscarriages, allowing sexual deviants and minors talk to each other on her website, and sometimes participating herself, posting videos filled with sexual and violent content. There's also the "charities" she has founded, and accepted money for. Then there's also the whole case of Casey Johnson's death. There's a good couple of valid reasons why there's so many people are actively pursuing her, and hoping for a conviction of at least one of her many crimes. In my opinion, these people are well within the right of moral and legal decency to fight for that. I look forward to the day I see that she's been arrested.

But the there people who feel the people they read about should answer to them for silly reasons like what their children's name are or whether or not they someone else helped them write a post. How much of your life would you keep private? Should you explain why? Afford these bloggers the same respect. In the end, does it really matter? Read something that inspires you, and take it at face value. Educate yourself. If your bullshit detectors go off, by all means investigate - and if they aren't exactly kosher by all means vote with your click and don't go back, if there's anything more serious only then should you do anything more. Let it go behind you and find something else to inspire you. Or - be inspiring yourself!

Just be the person you want to be and let us know how it goes. (I promise not to ask unwelcome questions.)

Saturday, 18 June 2011


I suppose it took seeing you, finally, to know for sure what I haven't missed. One look and I was transported back to the days I've long since left behind. 

You're still there. Your life hasn't changed past the knowing that what you chose was never good enough for you. I saw that in you that night, the sadness and resignation. But you're stuck there. We were tossed aside; my sisters, myself - all those years ago and my god I'm glad we were. 

I could tell you all about our lives and make you understand your greatest failure was turning your back on us when we needed you most. But I won't. I will not cheapen my choices, my life or theirs, to make you see. We deserve more than that. You will never know anything now, good or bad, about us. You gave up that right. You will never hear our voices on the phone, or a text from the daughters you raised. We won't confide in you. You will never hold our children, nor walk us towards our husbands. We will never ask you for help. We will never call you dad again.

 Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy. 

You failed here, twice over. I hope you'll succeed someday, but never with us. Live the life you've chosen. I never want to see you again. You disappointed us. You lied to us. You lied to yourself.


I struggled over whether or not I should post this. In the end I decided to, not to stir up bad feeling and drama - but to finally lay it to rest. The saddest thing is, I'm not even upset about it.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Saturday, 11 June 2011

Tumblr biz!

A new start.
I lost my camera. Well, I left it at a friends and I’ve not got it back yet and that was my excuse for not posting. Then it was laziness, a feeling of, why bother? But I’ve come to realise I shouldn’t use any excuse NOT to do something, but to use every excuse to ALWAYS try. 
So I’m putting myself back on here. I’ll be damned if the only thing I’m consistent in is giving up.
Yesterday I went to a physiotherapist about my back. She seemed more than slightly amazed that I was so flexible (for a fat chick). I know my main problem regarding my back is I ignore the pain to get the job done, push through it, and end up in soul crushing agony for days. Can’t do that anymore. So I have a new exercise routine and someone irl to answer to if I don’t at least attempt to stick to it. Thankfully, it still involves the Wii. 
So, the plan is;
  • 20 mins of cross trainer spread over the day in 5 min sessions
  • yoga poses I should work on, like sun salutation, the warrior, and the sphinx. Nice basic ones, for now.
  • an hours power walking a day, cut into manageable sessions, like 20 mins a time.
  • my (should be usual) 30 mins of Wii Fit Plus.
We review in a fortnight.
I also went to my doctor, who took blood to make sure I don’t have any underlying causes to my weight gain. We weighed me, and I am actually shocked. I’m hitting 15 stone. At my healthiest I was 9st 11oz. I’m carrying 5 extra stone. I’m disgusted with myself, and it’ll be a damn big reason to why my back is so bad.
So, full disclosure. No more hiding the embarrassing stuff.
Here goes nothing!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

2 in one day!

Lucky you, eh?

So, any regular readers will know I CONSTANTLY go on about how this time I'm determined to lose weight.

Funny thing is, I'm all full of vim and vigour for, ummmm, three days maybe? Then before I know it I'm stuffing my face with crisps and I haven't moved from the sofa in a week.

I suck at sticking to a goal.

So I've joined a facebook group called Operation Boudicca: One woman's quest to look like a Warrior Queen in the hopes that trying to lose weight and get fitter while talking to like minded women about it.

The truth is, I can't afford the gym. I eat when I'm bored. I don't exercise half as much as I should. I'm low on energy and I want to sleep all the time. I know I need to push through the energy lull to actually get more energy. I'd rather focus on getting fit than losing weight, but I also want to slim down my legs, my back and although my belly has always been on the chubby side, I'd like to get back into my size 12's.

Here goes nothing!

***And if I could end up looking like Christina Hendricks, that'd be just... ace***


Three days before I was due to appear at Ooh La La with cakes and the like, my oven gave up working.

I tried shouting at it, kicking it, screaming about its perfect timing, and begging it not to quit on me dammit! But nothing worked. I had a batch of cake dough sadly waiting to be turned into edible goodness. I had rum soaked raisins waiting to get poured into cake batter. I had a bottle of unopened gin in the cupboard.

I held strong, and transferred all my bakery stuff to my friend's house. Sans gin, but I may or may not have bought a bottle of wine on the way.

The next few days were a blur of flour and sugar and pink stained fingers, not to mention travelling between 2 sets of friend's house to use their ovens. But at 4am on Sunday, the day of the fair, Gof and I iced the last cake. Well, technically Gof finished the last when we woke up a few hours later, but you get the idea. We were EXHAUSTED, but our lovely friends drove us through to Edinburgh, where we got lost and arrived 5 minutes before opening. In the end, we managed it, and while we didn't make our first million there, everybody enjoyed our cakes and for the first time in ages I felt totally proud of myself.

I slept for 12 hours when we got home.

Since, I've managed a migraine, conjunctivitis, and a job interview. Which I better start getting ready for. I also have physiotherapy tomorrow, which I'm both looking forward to and dreading.

Ok... I need hair and makeup. And to get ready. And to get this job.

Fingers crossed!